Reminding Ms. Wanna Be

1-19-2012 / 5:30 pm

“It is true that we have failed, but never have we become failures..”  This reality broke through my close-minded thinking of lack and frustration.

image taken from google.com

Why do we need to fall so hard?

A lot of people have told me that mistakes happen so that we could learn and grow. That itself has been hard to accept as I was going through my teens. I was naïve, thinking that I could avoid going through those situations by learning through others’ experiences.  Observing other people was quite harder than I thought. Some people, who believed, were ‘experts’ in giving advices couldn’t even follow their own advices when the arrow of trials and temptations strike them back.

Years have also put me being in that ‘expert’s chair.’ I thought that my wits could solve the problem of others. However, when it turned back to me, everything seemed irrational.  I had those times when I couldn’t accept the fact that I failed, especially when I know I have given it my best. I was competitive and deep inside, I know that pride had swallowed me whole.

When I was about to go college, I was torn, finding that I was not accepted to the school I was hoping to study at. Some who knew couldn’t believe it and was asking my condition while I was taking my examinations. It had hurt me, especially when the people I care about the most had thought that I flunked on purpose.  I carried that hurt up for a few years. My conversation with God was full of WHY’s. I was starting to doubt if even taking Nursing as my course was a mistake. I was having a hard time, because I find my thoughts drifting to the ‘what if’s in my life’s event. I couldn’t understand the learning that I should gain during my first few years in college and I thought that the easiest way to escape was giving up.

Whipped by grace

Sinking in to my thoughts of depression, I lost zeal in going to school, and even in my ministry in church. I thought that I should bear a few more months attending classes before telling my parents that I’ve really decided to shift course or degree. Almost every day, I woke up frowning and blunting about how poor my performance was in school. My parents were still supportive of me, despite of being hurt of how I became distant from them. I wasn’t responding when they were asking me something and only shouting back when they would finally raise their tone to call my attention. I was selfish of thinking of only my concerns, not minding that other people are hurting the same.

It was during my 3^rd year that I was given my final wake up call. I was turning into someone that even my family members are becoming unfamiliar of. I wasn’t studying before exams and quizzes and I blamed that our teacher was not giving us much to learn from. It was my first time having a grade lower than the average.  I tried to bargain my teacher to recheck my papers, but, it was impossible to raise that grade with just a few points from my examination. That was it. There was no one to blame but myself. The consequences of my action spoke clearly that I was making a wrong turn in my life.

Getting up from the dirt

For years, I have cultivated my failure and had let it haunt me for years. I remember failing to answer a question in one of our quizzes in college. It was simple and yet, I had not answered it correctly. Of pride, I let the question pass by and try to remove it from my consciousness. It turned out that that same question was given later in our examinations. I felt embarrassed and frustrated since I couldn’t remember the correct answer. I think this happens a lot to most of us. The same mistake happens when we opt not to learn from it. Nearly biting to the taste of absolute defeat, God rescued me. It was during that time I got hurt again that I began to see myself.

I thought that I could rise up myself from the dirt of pessimism. Yet, beyond those questions and thoughts against God’s purpose, He used my family and friends to encourage me and to lift me up. It was one of my faults considering that letting other people help me was a sign of weakness. Rather, thinking that I can do it alone was a cover up for pretending to be strong.

Back on track

God is so awesome. Though there are so many things that  still, I don’t understand, I’m putting my trust in Him , for His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts, are higher that our thoughts. (Ps. 55:9). I remember one thing Kari Jobe has discussed in her lecture about worship, that people should stop seeking answers to their questions and instead seek God’s presence. Our human minds may pull of the greatest advice, yet, only God knows the best solution there is. Often, I have others asking me of some piece of advice. Using God’s word turns to work better than my limited thinking and naïve feelings.

I have been blessed being reminded of God’s word in Luke 18:1, where Jesus told His disciples that they should always pray and never give up. So, at times that we feel close to the dusts of defeat, we shouldn’t keep our heads up, remaining in our own strength. Instead, we should kneel and pray, for surely God will lift us up.

P.S. I have just heard this song a while ago, and it has inspired me through writing this testimony. Thank you for reading my blog and hearing this song below.

You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up with your love
You lift me up

Waiting for the sunrise
Waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign
That I’m where you want me to be

You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You’re reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground

chorus:

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I know I’m not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But you love me the same

And when I’m surrounded
When I lose my way
When I’m crying out and falling down
You are here to

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love
With your love
I don’t know what I can offer
In this moment I surrender to your love
To your love

She Raised Her Hand

 
April 11, 2011.
 
I consider this date memorable. Not because it has marked the start of our review sessions for the nursing licensure exams but because it has reminded me of important things regarding my life and my purpose.
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7:15 am. Whew.  “Yes! Haanak nga late,” I congratulated myself for arriving 15 minutes before call time. Only to find out that most of the other reviewees were also early. A long line was already formed infront of the CCA theater for attendance and claiming bags and ID’s. I was scanning for familiar faces, finding someone whom I can share the thoughts of ‘not being prepared yet.’ I found some of my classmates and I have joined them in their lines. As we entered the venue, my being was not yet focused on what was ahead of me. I was still drifting in the twilights of vacation and free time to rest. Yes, I was day dreaming.
 
Minutes later, when we were all seated, the program facilitator welcomed us. Familiar environment, I thought. Same teachers, same faces. I was thinking that I would not have a hard time adjusting to this environment. The feeling of  fear was starting to come as I was entertaining the thought that months from now, I will be taking my exams. I didn’t know what to think really. I was not confident of my current status. Of all the people who were inside the theater, what if I’m the only one who would not pass? The program  was about to start and my mind was still wandering along the pavements of denial. “I’m still a student, am I not?” 
 
One of our instructors called all our attention as we were to start the program with a prayer. The song was starting to play… and it was a familiar song for me.. I started to sing along with the first lines… “You are my strength when I am weak…” I felt as though my whole presence was not inside that theater, I was asking myself, “Why Am I here?” As I was  singing along the song , my eyes were also observing people on my sides who were texting, chatting and some were starting to fall asleep.. And when I was to focus my eyes to look in front… my heart stopped for a  moment. 
 

 
One of the person infront of our row was raising her hand while singing to the song flashed in front. As I was continuing to observe her, I didn’t notice that tears where rolling down my cheek. I felt embarassed at first for what I saw. There, was that person who  was worshiping the Lord and was giving her all while I was there focusing things on myself and entertaining my own perceptions.I was reminded of Matthew 6:33 which says, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.”  How many times have we wondered why things did not work out as we have planned them to be? I’ve had those times when I thought that I could manage things and that with enough planning, everything will be all right.. Yet, I end up failing and disappointing myself and other people of the consequences of my actions. 

The song in front played and I was caught up in the phrase, You are my all in all… When have we sought God first before we do things? Do we really consult Him when we are faced with decisions or do we just  have Him as our spare tire, our last option? 

Often we complain that we have busy lives and that we can’t afford to spend time with God and ask Him to guide us. Sometimes we even question why events happen in our lives- and if God has a purpose in our lives, why do we end up hurt? I had experienced this things myself and have realized that I have acted my own plans, my own decisions. Sometimes, we seem to command God saying, “God, this is my decision… guide me, because I’m going now.”  We often don’t realize that God has something better for us and it takes patience and time for us to know. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

After the song was played, we were given a moment to pray. Only God could make me pass the board exam. My efforts would be futile if it is not centered to Him. I have had examinations in the past where after all the review nights, I ended up blank and was not able to answer the questions in the test paper. I wouldn’t let that happen again. I thank God for that song. Truly, He is our strength when we are weak. There are situations in life where people around us would tell us it is impossible, but through God I believe it to be the other way around. If He is for us, who can be against us?

I’ve been wanting to write this for quite some time.  This has served as a reminder for me of why I was at that place, at that time. I have also experienced failures, had regrets, yet.. I would say that  we still have hope for change if we do focus on our goals today. One of my childhood friends told me to never give-in, never give-up. . for chances come once in awhile. It is just waiting for us to receive it, if we are prepared. Losing motivation and giving up isn’t an excuse. Let the waves wash away our regrets and let its current push us towards the ocean of learning and success.

Again, thanks for reading my blog. God bless!

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I hope you watch this song below, which I was mentioning in my blog.

You are my all in all by Nicole Nordeman

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I’d be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name 

Forgiving Yourself

“Don’t bottle up your feelings…” This was part of the message directed to me in a blog posted by one of my friends in a social networking site years ago. 

 I had the attitude of keeping things to myself. This has made a lot of scars for the past years…  Suppression has been one of my coping mechanisms. I always choose verbalization of feelings last on my list. I thought that saying my problems to people may be just a bother to them. In that stand point, I thought that managing problems all by myself would be better. 

All in one

There were those times where I would accept responsibilities without any complains, that even though I knew it would be quite impossible to finish or accomplish, I just put up a smile. It was all right for quite some time, until I experienced being burned out.  I didn’t know what things to do first and the more the people asked  updates about it, the higher the stress level I experienced , which was also contributory to my being insomniac.  Moreover, I don’t really expect anything big in return, yet even the gesture of saying thanks… I haven’t received frome some. Most of my friends would tell me that I could not please everybody; yet, wouldn’t you do something to satisfy or accomplish the favor asked from you?  Frankly, I would rather receive any feedback- be it positive or negative. At most times,I was not quite sure if they liked it or not. At the process of making or doing their favor, all I have been  thinking were their happiness. Some may see my statements as being selfish, but a smile would be quite enough for me to know it’s all right. 

I remember one of my childhood friends telling me to learn to  say ‘NO’ to “favor-askers.” Since then, I have managed time and have uh, improved setting my priorities. I have decided to refuse juggling too many things at the same time. I have also realized that by saying ‘no’ to some people, it  turned out to have a good effect on them. There were some, who were lazy, or who weren’t quite confident of their own abilities. It was a way of boosting too their skills, there were some who were really proud of how they made it on their own. 

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Bucket of Tears

Being molded to become a better person isn’t that easy. Tough times… tough times.. Even though I would be cautious of my actions, my words and not hurting others… I had made people cry. It was never my intention to hurt other people, lest to see tears falling from their eyes. If there were ways to atone for the mistakes I have made then I would willingly do it. However, as they say, one can’t cry over spilled milk. What is done is done. The only thing left to do is to learn from that mistake and not to do it again. I admit that experiencing the situation itself is depressing and hurtful, especially when one does not hear forgiveness from the person who was hurt. Most of times, I have blamed myself, my nature  for saying those words… if I could…

I’ve learned that people are different. Sometimes I lose sensitivity of  how should I interact with people,because of being comfortable around them. It may be seen as my way of being close with other people, since I’m not that good at expressing my feelings and emotions. I  miss out the red line of what is wrong and what is right. It would still remain a challenge for me to screen out what my behaviours should be. Pride, is such a strong word that breaks relationships among people. I really do have a lot of working to do with my attitude and character.

Beyond these which have happened, I am really thankful to the Lord, who made me realize these things.  Importantly, I have seen that I was hurting myself through those times. Keeping myself locked up by the thought of being ‘unforgiven’ has hindered me to a lot of things. I’m putting my trust on God, and let Him take control’ after doing my part .Doing these alone would surely fail… God moves mountains and sees our desire.. I know he’ll do things in His time. I admit that sometimes, I seem to hurry up God for an answer but just as in a cocoon, I have to wait for that butterfly to come out and not force things out prematurely.

 Truly, I’m running still on this rough road. It may be quite sometime when I would learn how to drive a car, and then it may be faster to travel towards achieving my goal. 

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I do hope you watch this vid.. It summarizes all of which I have been trying to say above. Thanks for reading. Comments are appreciated. teehee. 

If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
When I’m blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Oceans will part nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shown
In my life Your will be done

Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I’ll delight in Your way
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

May 13, 2010

In this blog, I would be just describing the details of my day- May 13, 2010.

Boredom kills

It does, really. Having two weeks off from hospital duty is harder than I thought it would be. I guess I was used to being busy with all these school requirements, spending at least 3 hours of sleep or no sleep at all, only being able to eat dinner, being frustrated with NCPs, drug studies and pathophysiologies, and being preoccupied with some random thing (like listening to youtube or staring blankly). The routine I’ve been used to has been difficult to break. Not only did I gain additional weight, I’ve spent hours staring at the computer screen, just trying to figure out what productive thing should I do. 

But then again.. 

Boredom makes  ‘things’ happen…

     Out of boredom, I  visited movie2k.com and watch-movies.net (my online source of free online movie streaming). I browsed over the movies on the website’s list. August Rush- this movie title suddenly crossed my mind. It was a movie which was recommended by my close friend, Hazeline as well as my classmates- Giovanni and Margareth (*peace* for stating your names here). I remember myself saying that I would consider looking into that movie, and it was only now that I decided clicking the button for that movie.

The movie was awesome! I’m not great with this critquing stuff or giving reviews, however, If I would rate this movie, I would give it a 5/5. Perfect! The following are the most memorable quotes in the movie for me:

•   You know what music is? God’s little reminder that there’s something else besides us in this universe, a harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars.~ Wizard
• The music is all around us, all you have to do is listen.~ August Rush
• Sometimes the world tries ot knock it out of you. But I believe in music the way that some people believe in fairy tales. I like to imagine that what I hear came from my mother and father. Maybe the notes I hear, are the same ones they heard, the night they met. Maybe that’s how they found each other. Maybe that’s how they’ll find me. I believe that once upon a time, long ago, they heard the music and followed it.~ August Rush 

   It may be kinda weird if I would have also met August Rush. I mean, could someone be so persistent as to believe that his family is still there, with the evidence of only seemingly hearing them? I guess, that made the character of August Rush- a freak. The other boys in the orphanage didn’t have the attitude that August had. He was positive that his parents were still there and that he could find them. The story was a fairy tale type. The boy learned how to play guitar, piano, compose and become a conductor with such small span of time. Prodigy huh?  

If only people would be like what the movie has portrayed, that they would have an understanding even with the absence of words.  If music could also be a bridge for people to meet, to fall in love, to reconcile,and to reach out what they would really want to tell. Fantasize. I don’t know may be that could really happen in real life. Just may be. 

One of the clips that I love most in the movie:

Falling slowly

Awww… This song was covered by Lee Dewyze and Crystal Bowersox  in a duet in American Idol season 9. It was my first time to hear the song and I didn’t know that it had earned an Oscar award. wow. It was a soundtrack in the movie, “Once,” which I haven’t watched yet. I looked into the plot though, and I didn’t quite like the ending of the story where the girl goes back to her husband after having an affair with this guy.. Poor guy.. I’ll consider watching the movie. (I wish I hadn’t spoiled myself by reading the story already.)

Well, here is the original track, and also the cover done by lee and crystal. I’ll be posting also some of the lines that I liked the most.. Uh.. the whole lyrics actually.haha. 

Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly Lyrics

I don’t know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can’t react
And games that never amount
To more than they’re meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You’ll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can’t go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I’m painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It’s time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You’ve made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I’ll sing along

Original:

Donating Blood

Yeah! Finally, I was able to donate blood. My brother arrived at home saying that he met one of the ministers of our sister church and that they were finding donors with the blood type A. Me!!! I was excited to hear that news that I would really like to go immediately to the blood bank. My two brothers and I went to to the hospital. My younger brother stated that since he didn’t have something to do, he opt to accompany us. My older brother told him that it would be better if our lil’ bro would come in case I was going to faint. Faint? sheesh. you wish.haha. just joking. 

  I would admit that I did had  a ’slight fear’ (if there was a term liket that), because the volunteers or the people in-charge of getting blood were hard up finding a vein where they would get blood from. They said I had ‘cute veins,’ really saying that it was small for the needle. The woman who was assigned to me requested the other lady to be the one to get blood from me. That’s when I felt that ’slight fear.’ They should be confident in front of the donors. How could I be sure that they wouldn’t fail, that they may prick my other hand with that needle? Hmm.. 

Well.. it was successful anyway. The other lady was able to obtain my vein with the needle. I felt itchy. I don’t know why. It feels itchy on the portion where they have inserted the needle into my skin. Weird huh? Well, since it was my first time to donate blood, they asked me to rest for more that 10 minutes. They were concerned that I might feel dizzy, collapse or fall. It turns out that the daughter of the one who was to receive our blood gave us a lift back home.

Tired.. tired.. there I finally finished with my blog. That was what happened today. Join me .. In my everyday adventure.. be amazed how boredom works in you. haha. (just joking) 

anyway, good night.

am I going back?

I don’t really understand what I’m feeling right now. I feel deserted. 

The moments that I hate the most occur when I’m left with nothing to do (that is when I choose to not do something really, even though I have tons of work to finish..hmpf.schoolwork). Well, during those times, my mind goes back to thinking about the past. I suddenly remember all those cheesy moments, like when I had awkward moments with someone I had a ‘crush on,’ who turned out to be the most annoying person ever, then finding at the end of the school year to be my far related cousin. Disappointing? However, that incident won’t even reach the level of those times  when I had been very disappointed with myself. I lied most of the times. I was trying to cover myself for insecurities I had. I pretended to feel comfortable with the ‘atmosphere’ of being with groups of people who were considered ‘in’ during those times. One little ‘white lie’ was covered by another one.. then with another.. until I have lost count and had not already known where it all started. Excuses were also piling up and it really feels like  I was trapped in a maze. I didn’t quite understand how I felt, as if I was cool with all those that were happening in my life. I grinned but that didn’t mean that I was okay. It’s what I was talking about in my past blog. It’s a masquerade. Everytime someone was trying to reach out, I would reject him or her. I didn’t want them to see me vulnerable, soft and weak. May be the reason why I had built that wall was that I was afraid they would really see the ‘me’ who was crying for help.

I denied weakness. I have once heard that those people who appear to be happy most of the time, are the saddest person really. One even said that he would prefer crying in the rain so that nobody would even notice. Hmmm. may be that was one of the ideas that came to my mind. During the feedbacks we had in commenting each other in one activity at school, most of my classmates wrote on my paper that they saw me as a jolly and happy person. Lies. 

Little by little, I seem to accept the darkness that was forming inside. I was turning into someone my friends, my parents and even my ownself couldn’t understand. I was acting rebellious, conceited, proud, sarcastic, name it. I was doing my best to hide the part of me who was trying to call for help.

Remembering these moments gives pain in my heart. I wish that that part of my past could be erased and forgotten. I never really want to go back and see who I was, and what I did.  

Now what had made me change? Jesus did. I once told my father that I was doing my best to change myself and he told me that I had it all wrong. He further stated that if I would do it on my own, then I wouldn’t succeed with transfoming to someone new. It is when I ask God to take control and change me, would I be changed completely. That was it. Simple yet I haven’t appreciated it’s meaning until he told me. Frankly, I had planned to change myself years before, but I kept on going back to who I was. I was returning to the ‘old me.’ I was actually scared of change. I was also ashamed of myself presenting it to God, thinking that I was impure and that I was not worthy of his help. I viewed myself as the lowest of all, even compared to the most notorious criminal this world had ever produced. But, that’s what the grace of God is all about. He came for me and you, those who are lost and those who are weary and heavy burdened.

Changing yourself is very hard, especially when most of your friends and relatives were already accustomed to your behaviour. Your family may be the first to even deny you have changed and claim that you were always the same. Those words have hurt me. Sometimes, even though I try so hard, they would state that I was always like that, “the same old person” who would commit those mistakes. It’s as if I was branded and would never make an improvement. I guess that is humanity, and maybe a lot of people would never understand that when Jesus works, everything is possible. He turns a heart of stone to a heart of flesh, he heals us, he transforms us, and we are new creations in His name. 

  Humanity may not understand that but I stay firm on what I believe. I’m not going back to who I was. Even though people would persist on seeing me as the ‘person before,’ I would say that they should look at the person at the present. I don’t like the saying ‘First impression lasts,’ because that fools us. For me, it should never last. If I would be convinced of that saying, it’s as if I’m saying that people don’t have hope for change, that we are limited to who we were and would always stay as that.  However, I believe in God and His ability to help us radically change our lives. Even though I may have moments when my mind would wander back to the past… Definitely, I’m not going back.

 A video by Brandon Heath- I’m not who I was… thanks for reading my blog

Behind the scenes

 “Things aren’t always what they seem
You’re only seeing part of me
There’s more than you could ever know
Behind the scenes
I’m incomplete and I’m undone
But I suppose like everyone
There’s so much more that’s going on
Behind the scenes”

To describe a person in one word, in my opinion would be impossible. A person who you may say is an honest man, may be branded by someone as a cheat. A person who we may see as a cheat may actually be seen as an honest man by other people. That is society. At one point or another we have played that part- to stereotype or even descriminate. All of us are actually a part of this masquerade.

Who are those people who are really true? I don’t really know. I don’t even consider myself as that. I remember one friend I had back then. He would tell me he was living in his shadows..that he likes to hide behind his mask..  I don’t really understand why he said that. I don’t really know why I feel attracted to that mystery. Who was he? Was I the person who would see who he really was? That question may have been the reason why now, I have lost him as a friend. I think I have, in one way, pushed him. I had thought that I was the person who was very transparent, that I didn’t hide any lies from him. What really happened was that I, myself, had been hiding in my own shadows and was pretending at times to be happy… to be full of life.. when actually, I was getting tired of breathing. 

For me, the greatest puzzle is not when we can’t understand another person, but when we can’t understand our own selves. At some point in my life, I admit that I become a great pretender. Smiling even though, deep inside  I really wanted to fight back. I smiled when what  I really  wanted was to cry. Why? Maybe because I wouldn’t want others to see that I’m vulnerable. Maybe because I wanted to show an aura which shows that I could manage it all. It turned out that the more I would accept it, the more pain others would cause me. They wouldn’t be sensitive of my feelings since I don’t show it to them. They may think that it’s okay for since I don’t complain.

Why.. Why do I have to put up a mask. Why can’t I show them that it’s been difficult. Why can’t I be the weaker one? I guess I can’t since my pride has been so big that it has overwhelmed me.I would rather blame others for my mistake. They aren’t sensitive enough and now I’m resolving to self-pity. Why?

There were moments in the past where I had ‘break-downs.’ At that one event, when I couldn’t keep my composure, I cried when my groupmates were with me. I had felt as if a heavy burden in my heart wanted to come out-then, bursted out tears. It was so painful. I was thinking of myself.. myself.. and only myself.  There were some instances that I cried before my parents, expressing the ‘unfair life’ that I am in. I even doubt the purpose of my existence. Why should one suffer?

Up to know. I am still puzzled why I am so fond of hiding behind a mask. There were instances though that I have to wear it so that I would not hurt other people. I would seem to put up a happy face when in fact I am utterly upset of other people. I would decide to stay calm when I am angry when I feel the heat boiling up. I choose silence when I feel that I would burst out harsh words. I choose to stay strong for other people when I know they need me most. 

That is the puzzle that I have to figure out. There may be moments where we need to put our masks on.. depending on what reasons we have.

A movie to remember.

.A walk to remember. You may not believe me, but it was my first time to watch the movie last night. Yup. I know… I know… I’m so late and all.. yet, I had found myself caught up with the story..  I was near crying… 

 Tell you frankly, the reason why I haven’t watched that movie was because I was scared (yeah scared) to fall under the spell of ‘drama movies’.. they never fail to meet their purpose, which I believe is to make you all ‘touchy,’ ’soft’ or sensitive.. Positive comments have I heard of this movie way back then.. but I guess I wasn’t that too mature to understand the difference between a movie that gives you an impression that would last  and a movie that would make you laugh, throw off ’silly cliches’ and make you blush for a while and which would make you say, “that was good,” A walk to remember was a movie, if I would exaggerate, would be a work of art, magnificent and a briliant concept. 

 Going to the story.. I guess there are a lot of similarities that we could see in other movies,.. How the ‘cool guy’ suddenly falls for the ‘geeky girl’ and then.. a uncurable disease makes the movie end with tragedy.. hmm.. this movie is different though, it ends with the viewer smiling.. The ending wasn’t really an ‘end’.. I consider it as the beginning of the journey of Landon.. 

Landon.. I wish there were more men like him.. (haha.. seriously).. The movie was a portrayal of ‘pure love’ as they say. It was not showy..not aggressive.. it was something which intentions were to suffice each other.. It seemed like a perfect fairytale. the only problem is, the princess dies at the end.. and the prince stays.. still happily-ever-after.. Few people would actually do what Landon did. 4 years,still he clings to Jamie. I don’t know if it is a good or bad thing to not let go. but I suppose if that person who you’re still holding on to, is someone who gives you inspiration, then continue on.. 

You are the miracle. That phrase was the most catchy phrase I have heard in the movie. We don’t realize that our mere presence brings life, it gives meaning to the few weeks or months given for one to live. You make that person special by the way you stay beside her, how you always make sure to be there for her when she feels doubting. Another phrase I like was when Landon asked Jaime if she was afraid of death.. and Jaime answered she was afraid of not being with him. Both of the characters were strong.. they didn’t dwell on the fact that Jaime was going to die.. they have chosen to live like there’s nothing coming there way.. I just wonder if they really intended to not say ’till death us part’ in their wedding vows.. it’s too much hurting.. and even I can’t handle watching it… tears..

 This is by far, one of the greatest drama I have seen in my entire life. Though, I did really wish that Jaime could have been healed .  But,  I guess that’s how the story goes.. 

 >,<